Entries
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
I don't know what i'm doing anymore. I seem to be falling into this bottomless pit. Not that i'm complaining but what happens at the end of the pit? Surely there must be an end to it no matter how deep right? Surely there must be an ending? Logically, there should be an ending. Two endings actually. One is that i fall onto a bed of roses, the other is that i fall onto glass, shattering them into a million pieces. I do hope i'll end on that bed of roses.
Realised that i haven't been blogging in a long time and i have this nagging sensationg to blog for the past few days. I figured, might as well, let some emotions out instead of storing it inside me. However, life's been great and i'm loving school more and more each day all because i've got people like yt,ql, my lover carmen as well as the rest of them! They have made me so happy and i will cherish them forever.
Short entry today. Nothing much to write about. One more thing, in case you think i've forgotten about you, i have not. I love you Amanda! Really glad everything's fine between us. Take care of your leg
Lovely Angel <
12:30 AM
Monday, October 23, 2006
MAN U vs LIVERPOOL
2 : 0
Aww.. Sucks! I didn't believe the score when i first saw it. I never thought that Liverpool would leave the game without even scoring a goal. True, it was a known fact the Man U was the better team but there were times when Livrpool nearly scored the goal! Man, they were bad tonight, realy bad.
Went to CHIJMES tonight for my very first outdoor football experience and it was great as Amanda joined me. I was glad for the company and also glad that there was a Liverpool fan among the many Man U supporters. It was great seeing you Amanda. Oh well, let the pictures do the talking instead!
Amanda darling, i miss you so so much
ooh, happy to be kissed by me
Ultra lesbian moment
Amanda, i really enjoyed myself with you today. I love you so much.
Lovely Angel <
2:08 AM
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
It has only been three days into the new school term and already, the stress is building up. Many dates to mark out, many important notes to remember. Most importantly, i have to plan my schedule real carefully for fear of colliding with my project mates. So far, modules have been pretty straightforward except for video production module which is, in itself, a killer. Not so much an examinable subject but the time taken to film a particular shot is already enough to kill you. Fundamentals of interpretation is also another shocking module to me. Just had a small practise on what interpretation is all about today and i was shocked beyond words. Not only do we have to memorise whatever the speaker is saying which by the way, is not my strong point, we still have to translate everything accordingly. I just hope i pull through this module.
I always believe when something bad happens, good things will come round sooner or later and true enough, we all had a very slack module, Global Issues. Not only are we guaranteed a 'B' grade, we also have a funny as well as an interesting lecturer. Am i looking forward to his classes!
Been having nightmares recently. Perhaps i'm just too stressed or i am subconsciously thinking of some things. I just hope that all the dreams that i've been having will leave me and be gone forever. I hate having nightmares for i feel that its an omen. A very bad one at that. Off to my guitar class. Hope i'll be able to catch up.
Lovely Angel <
7:23 PM
Monday, October 16, 2006
Finally, the long or rather dreadfully awaited school term has arrived. How fast 2 months seem to have passed by in a flash. How amazing it is that i have survived one and a half years in Ngee Ann Poly. Today, however, is the start of many nightmares ranging from projects, conflicts between pals which i hope would never happen, and more projects! It doesn't help that Mr Lee has already planned everything for us, right down to our small class tests. Now, that's worrying. We haven't even started school and he already has us marking out our calender for "important" or rather "death" dates. I do hope i'll survive this sem and not fall ill due to stress. I remembered i was very ill last sem. Man, last sem was bad and i'm sure this sem wouldnt be any better but at least i know i've got pals like yt and ql.
It doesn't seem like a school day though. School starts at 4pm today so technically, my morning's free but, my first lesson in school is taught by Mr Lee. I'm actually looking forward to how he really is. I hope he isn't as fearful as what people make him out to be. It's the first day of school and i'm already counting down to my next holiday. Thankfully, Roger reminded me that it's deepavali next tuesday which means a public holiday for me. Tuesdays suck and i know i will never like tuesdays anymore.
Too depressed over school to type anything. God bless me..
Lovely Angel <
10:23 AM
Saturday, October 14, 2006
It has been weeks since i last stayed at home on a Saturday and i can't even begin to tell you how great that feels. Imagine sleeping in on a Saturday, knowing that you have the whole day to yourself and time even seems to be slowing down for you! Granted, everyone sleeps in on a Sat, i mean who doesn't? Only people like me have to wake up freaking early to complete all my chores. Then again, i feel happy doing it even though my sleeping time is affected.
With some free time at hand, i decided to do some spring cleaning and some major cleaning indeed. I realised that i have been too busy with my activities that i neglected my private den. It was in a mess and dust was all over the place. Spring cleaning was one thing, throwing unwanted stuff was another. Usually when one spring cleans, they tend to dig up old and historical stuff, stuff that won't affect their lives anymore but may have a part to play in who they are now. Great stuff i digged though, for they reminded me of who i used to be. Clearing through the dusty boxes, i was reminded of my sec school days and well as JC days when everything was innocent. However, it also reminded me of the friends that i've lost in the course of our selfish pursuits. Friends i used to cherish have turned their backs on me, or rather i did unto them first. Friends i have neglected while i was busy dating my other half and i took so long to realise how naive and stupid i had been all along. Friends, they will be the one who will stay by your side ultimately, people who will be there for you even when your other half leaves you, people who will stay by your side even when you've neglected them. It took me forever to realise this precious point but i hope it won't be too late. There, one chapter of my life closed, a new chapter has begun. Hopefully i wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
I have been thinking alot for the past week, be it personal problems, problems with friends, work and school. I have learnt to let go of my insecurities and face the future bravely because you are here and because of this simple fact, i am not afraid anymore. You will walk with me in the dark and i will accompany you in the dark. We will both support each other along the way and never will we let each other fall into the abyss of darkness.
Lovely Angel <
4:34 PM
Friday, October 13, 2006
I knew yt and ql wouldnt let me down when they promised to visit me at TCC. Thank you guys, i really appreciate all that you've done for me and you need not thank me or roger for any discounts that you've gotten. You guys deserved it because you came all the way to see me, not forgetting the fact that yt's legs were hurting like crazy. Thank you guys, for always supporting me in whatever i do and for never leaving me. I am really touched by that fact alone.
Been coming home late nowadays but i have not gotten a single scolding from my parents yet. I guess they are finally accepting the fact that i've grown up and i've got my own life besides staying at home. I do feel very happy and by the way ql, thanks for the chat on the way to athar last night. I'm really glad i shared my problems with you. It has been burdening me for the longest time. Thank you for always being there, listening to my problems.
Have been having problems with driving nowadays. I either don't pay attention on the roads or i keep hitting the curbs. What's worse is that i had my circuit training today and my instructor actually criticized my driving skills. This was the first time he has ever done it and i hope it would be the last. I hate the circuit. I hate driving slowly. I hate the wavy, 'S' shaped roads and also, not forgetting the slopes. I just hope i pass my driving on the first try. I don't wanna waste any more money. I've got no extra time either.
Just one thought before ending. Does happiness ever last? I always thought that it doesn't. When one is happy for too long, i'm sure someone will take that happiness away from you and leave you standing all alone in the dark. That's what i'm afraid of, being left alone in the dark. Counting down to school.
Lovely Angel <
2:14 AM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Time seems to be slipping by and with each passing day, i get more and more afraid and paranoid. I want to hold on to these moments yet i do not want to walk into the future for i know not what the future holds. I can never predict the future. If i could, i wouldn't be in such a melancholic state most of the time. This hol, i've enjoyed myself to the fullest and also worked myself hard. However, something seems to be amiss and i can't put my finger on what exactly that 'thing' or 'person' is. Perhaps i'm really thinking too much. People tell me i think too much for my own good. I guess i do need to change my perception of things at some point in time.
Car's in Singapore and yet i couldn't get to meet her! Hey gal, we must go out after school one day alright? Just the two of us.. We can go catch a movie or something. Remember the promise i made to you? Ha ha its between the two of us.
Met Ben last night to catch 'World Trade Centre'. It was a touching show and really meaningful. The movie made me think of all the loved ones that i've neglected and of course, not forgetting you. I realised that i haven't been as good a friend as i should have been. One never know what life has in store for them. For all you know, something tragic may happen just today. I've learned to cherish and love everyone around me and i hope you should too.. Some idiots laughed while the show was at its climax and i was freaking pissed at them. You would never have guessed what they were laughing at for i shall not divulge anything. ^%^*(# It was such a touching and warm scene and yet i could hear people laughing. Please respect their religion even if you're not a firm believer!
Work again today, what's new? There's nothing to look forward to except you. You brighten up my life and made me smile. You have made me a happy girl.
Lovely Angel <
9:01 AM
Sunday, October 08, 2006
7th October 2006
I'll always remember this date for as long as i live.
Don't you just wish you knew what each and everyone's thinking? After i started work at TCC, i started to observe people on a more personal level. I would wonder what the other party is thinking, what he or she does in their free time or what thoughts are going through their mind. I can't help overhearing their conversations and would sometimes get a shock outta my life. Imagine mature adults bitching instead of holding matured conversations, flaring up into a rage instead of settling things in a calm manner. They made me feel better about my behaviour. At the very least, i try not to fly into a rage!
However, i do envy them. They can proudly call themselves working adults, proudly announce to the world that they hold a high position at a bank or some other company and that they have a great future ahead. I can't say the same for myself though. True enough, i've got my future all planned out for me but what i'm missing out would be the hectic peak hour rush when i enter the MRT train, the bitchy and unreasonable bosses that i would have to face, the bitching my colleagues and i would have, in english, mind you and the hurried one hour break - my lunch hour. Sadly, or fortunately, i won't be able to enjoy that. Let me picture myself in school...
For one, i won't have to rush through my lunch but lunch is pretty much set what with the canteen food and all. Paying lesser would be a huge advantage. I will be bitching around with people i call my colleagues, in chinese, about other colleagues, the principle as well as students who are either very smart or very naughty. Secondly, i think i will have a much easier time coping in school. However, there's still my superior, the principle and the HODs. Ah, bossing people around like nobody's business. One day, i will rise up to the likes of them. I hope i will have a fun time. Though one can never be too sure of the future. I love challenges, i hate risks. Go figure.
Once again, i wish it isn't 8th october yet but i'm looking forward to the future...
Lovely Angel <
9:21 AM
Friday, October 06, 2006
Gone is the excitement whenever i log on to blogspot to update my blog what replaces it instead is dread and suspicion. I have lots going on in my life now and i do not want any unnecessary people poking their nose into my private life and criticising it. Then again, what's a blog for? It a diary for christs sake! Oh, to hell with whoever, i write whatever i like and if you've got a problem with it, don't read it. Why bother reading it in the first place when you know you're gonna suffer a mental breakdown?
On a lighter note, i went out with yt and ql yesterday and what fun had we! I've not seen them for two whole weeks and trust me, i went bonkers upon seeing them. We ate, bitched around and had fun. I love you guys! We really should hang out more often!
Finally, a great load has been lifted off my shoulders and i have YOU to thank. Thank you for never letting my mind wander. Thank you for assuring me time and time again. I know my little tempers may have put you off but i do appreciate that you're being patient with me and answering my questions to the fullest of your ability. Thank you once again, for always being there.
Lovely Angel <
1:54 PM
Monday, October 02, 2006
Falling in love - Forbidden city OST
Falling in love is just that
falling out of control
Of your heart and soul
Falling in love is just that
Falling
That's how it feels
Falling head over heels
Why love when love hurts?
Why love when love ends？
I know how it feels
When it turns and pretends
It ends with the pain
And the making amends
Why love when there's peace
In the making of friends?
Loving your heart is just that
Losing
Too high a cost
When its given, it's lost
Taking a risk is just that
Taking
Been there before
I can't take it anymore
I've heard many songs on the 'Forbidden City Soundtrack' and although this is not my favourite song, it's the song that comes closest to my heart. It does reflect a little on what i'm feeling right now. Isn't it true that love hurts? Why then are people yearning for it? I don't deny that i yearn for love too but why at the expense of your emotions? Shouldn't loving be a beautiful thing? Something that can take your heart off all the painful experiences?
Chatted with Ben when i changed my nick to " why love when love hurts? why love when love ends?" and he asked me why i was so pessimistic when it comes to relationships and love. Actually, i'm not pessimistic, in fact i do love a challenge and i do want to be loved but sometimes i just feel so unsure of myself, so unsure of everything. I like this song because it reflects my deepest feelings. Go figure.
I knew keeping a blog would spell trouble! I should have known that people can search for my blog on blogspot.com! Now, everyone knows my blog. Ha ha but i'm not complaining! Just remember to leave your mark when you come!
Went out with Amanda today to sentosa and it was another disappointing day for me for it was hazy the whole day but one good thing came outta it. We finally managed to settle the misunderstandings among ourselves. Amanda, you do know that i love you don't you? Don't ever doubt that :)
Lovely Angel <
8:02 PM
I have been too busy recently to update my blog. Apologies to everyone out there who comes to my blog everyday only to see that my entry permanently remains at 29th september. Firstly, i had a very fulfilling week what with watching musicals, hanging out with close friends as well as work. Work may not seem as fun as you guys may think but i do love it quite alot. Call me crazy but i wish i was at work today. Before i start on how crazy i am and why i am what i am, let's just recap what happened for the past few days.
I had the most amazing time last friday as i finally managed to watch the much talked about musical, 'Forbidden City' with Ben. I wouldn't say that the props were as amazing as 'Phantom of the Opera' but i was touched and moved by the characters of the musical. The whole musical moved me and i've been thinking about it all day today. To tell you the truth, i was totally mesmerized by the storyline and the songs. Ask Ben and he'll tell you the same as well. After the musical,we took a long and slow walk towards One fullerton where we had supper at 'Black Angus'. Or was it 'Black angels'? Ha ha i didn't take note of the name but i had a great time considering the fact that we hardly knew each other.
Saturday as usual was work day for me but i had a small treat before work for i watched 'Miami Vice' I wasn't sure if it was due to the lack of sleep or the plot of the movie, but 'Miami Vice' turned out to be a real disappointment. Firstly, i couldn't understand a single thing, secondly, Gong Li's english seemed way off and i heard some people snigger at her english which was pretty amusing by the way and also kinda sad.
Sunday was stay home day for me. A great day to relax and unwind from the hectic schedule i had a few days before. I realise that i'm forcing myself to update this blog of mine. I wonder if its because i'm too tired to update or that my thoughts aren't fully organized yet. Hmm.. Pondering over many things right now. Here are some,m well two, pictures. Enjoy.
Ben and i
Not sure if this picture turns out straight. 'Splash' from 'Black -'
Lovely Angel <
12:50 AM
