Entries
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I have always wondered how it was like to be the happiest person on earth.
I have always wondered how its feels like to be loved.
I have always wondered how it feels like to love someone.
I have always wondered how it feels like to sacrifice for someone and not expecting anything in return.
I have always wondered how it feels like to miss someone.
I have always wondered when the time would come for me to stop wondering.
I need not wonder anymore for i have already found the answer to everything and the answer is YOU.
Lovely Angel <
1:59 AM
Saturday, November 25, 2006
A few days ago when i was working at TCC, someone tested my tolerance level and I in turn realized something about myself. Instead of reflecting on what exactly went wrong, i've come to this awful conclusion. I've fallen. I really have and that's the reason for my unbearable behaviour on Thursday night. I sometimes wonder if i'm suitable for this emotional roller coaster. Sometimes i also wonder to myself if i'm taking it a little too hard on myself. I'm facing the exact same emotions i had three years ago and that left me hurt and traumatized till this very day. Would this one be any different, i wonder. I figured that if i don't try to control my emotions, i'll be taking the same road i took three years ago. Perhaps all girls are prone to jealousy and sensitivity.
Relationships, like parents, are hard to predict. Like I said earlier, its just like taking a roller coaster. One moment you may think that you're the happiest person on earth but feel the complete opposite the very next minute. I sometimes wonder if people actually spend their whole lives searching for The One and wouldn't stop until they find someone who fits their bill, looks and character wise. Would anyone settle for the one they're with now or would they, when still with their partner, continue their search for The One?
The One. How vague. How often do we know who or what The One really is? People say they know when that person is The One, they'll know if he/she is the one they'll spend their lives with. But how can we tell such feelings from pure love? I personally can't differentiate. Either i've not experience the one feeling that everyone has or that i've just been loving the other party so deeply that i fail to try to differentiate those feelings. Makes sense?
This road, so transparent but yet so easily misunderstood. So fragile but yet so strong at the same time. So sweet but yet so heartless. I wish i hadn't taken this road but now that i have, i will give it my all even if it means me bearing the consequences.
Perhaps i haven't been in the best of moods. Perhaps i'm too tired to think right now. Perhaps you guys are right, i think too much for my own good or perhaps, i know not what i'm talking about. Which is why you guys should ignore whatever i just said because i'll be fine tmr. I promise.
Lovely Angel <
11:48 PM
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Now now, what am i doing online when i'm supposed to have lessons till 6 today? Well, kudos to Mr Quek for cancelling tutorial class! Not only were we able to go home earlier, i've earned an hour or two for myself! Totally enjoy such quiet and peaceful moments. Haven't had that in ages. However, Mr Quek didn't cancel tutorial class for fun. Like they always say, things happen for a reason and the reason being, projects! I've got another project assignment today but i reckon its gonna be an interesting and fun one! Now, to conclude, i've got 1 new media assignment, 1 paraphrasing assignment, 1 CONLAN class test and 1 presentation skills in chinese assignment, all due next week!
Looking at the brighter side of things, everything's been going smoothly for me. Scratch that. I'm in self denial. Nothing's going smoothly for me what with my dad's unreasonable and narrow-minded behaviour. I sometimes don't understand how someone can continue living in their own shell when, in actual fact, the world is continually revolving and evolving. Things have changed. Things are no longer what they used to be in the 1950s. Relationships are now a part and parcel of everyone's life. No one takes relationships so seriously anymore so does it even matter whether the other party breaks up with you? Oh well, sure we'll cry, we all do surely but to the extent of killing ourself, letting the break up affect our life? Nahz, this is the 21st century, a world of independence and, can i say, heartlessness? No one lives for anyone anymore dad, its a dog eat dog world out there. We live only for ourselves. However, for the benefit of everyone out there, i'm not saying that relationships don't in the least bother me. They do in fact, play a major part in my life but i wouldn't, just for a split second, think of committing suicide just because someone just left me. Parents are just unfathomable creatures aren't they? I'm just glad my mom's open-minded enough to accept the way that i am now. Wouldn't know how i would be able to deal with two conservative adults in the family.
A note to car: Perhaps you couldn't bear to give up. Perhaps it has already become a habit. Perhaps the time spent together matter too much to you. Perhaps we were right, giving up could be the best alternative. But i've decided to trust you because, perhaps, you do know what you really want. Whatever you want babe, i'll always be here for you, to advice you and to be a shoulder to cry on. Fret not.
Lovely Angel <
4:50 PM
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Its been eons since i last updated my blog. Have been meaning to update my blog during the weekend but i was stucked with work. Too many activities filling up my time that i haven't had time for myself. Just to laze around at home and do nothing at all. Absolutely couldn't wait till Friday where i can just laze around at home before meeting my dearie Amanda at 4pm.
To update, we celebrated Pam's birthday on 17th Nov, Friday at New York New York and the food was great! Hell broke loose when all of us came together. We talked, laughed and made nonsensical jokes at each other! Man, i wished i had more of these days instead of spending my days in school and at home. A very happy belated 19th birthday to you, Pam. You're already a year older and i'm sure you'll be able to think for yourself and know what you really want. We will always be here for you.
21st Birthday Celebration!
Date: 29th December 2006, Friday
Time: From 1830hrs
Venue: Do contact me for details
Theme: "Masquerade" (Different faces on parade)
Do come you guys! Stayovers are welcomed! Man, am i excited!
Lovely Angel <
6:21 PM
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Thankfully, Tuesday passed by in a flash with no hiccups whatsoever. I hate Tuesdays and i absolutely loathe the fact that i gotta get up at an unearthly 530am to reach school in time for the 8am lesson and that would also mean me falling asleep in class just 20 minutes into the lesson. Fortunately for me, lecturers for the day were pretty easy going so i guess its alright to catch a wink or two. My video project, however, is and will be a disaster. We are not even halfway through editing our first assignment and our dateline's next tuesday. That just leaves us Thursday and next Monday to complete our assignment. Once again, i would like to extend my deepest regret and apologies to yt, ql, pam and jan for not being able to attend Thursday's discussion. I'll make it up on Monday i promise and thank you all for being so understanding. I love you guys so so much!
Had a long and hearty talk with ql and yt on the way home and that talk left me thinking quite a bit even after they alighted. Perhaps we share different views on things or perhaps i've been exposed to much more than you guys thats why it doesn't seem to bother me that much. Though i didn't outrightly disagree with you ql, but i felt a sharp stab in my heart. No, you didn't hurt me don't worry but why is it that i don't feel the same way as you do? Am i just too ignorant or i really do not bother? I hope i'm wrong my dear, for i wouldn't wanna make another mistake. Goodness me! I don't even know what i'm saying! However, i do know in fact, what i've been thinking for the past two hours.
Why is it that we're all stucked in this rut which may either make or break us. Make us we pray but things always do seem to work against us. This rut, we created, all by ourselves. The building of it, maintaining it even the breaking of it could be created by us. Perhaps as girls, we all tend to be overly concerned, overly sensitive. Just like caring for a plant. Too much water and fertiliser kills it. How i wish the world was devoid of emotions. Only then will we not know how it feels like to be hurt, lonely, angry or worse, jealous. How i wish i was devoid of love. Devoid of all emotions a human being should receive. Only then can i lead my life without expectations of any sort. I hate expectations for i hate being let down.
Some random thoughts. Do not take any of these to heart. Just blabbering and perhaps, giving you guys something to wonder about for the next few days till i blog again.
Lovely Angel <
6:15 PM
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Have been having nightmares of late. Of that flat i never want to see again. Of that message i never want to receive ever. Of that girl whom i never want to tutor ever. Too much of such dreams, doesn't seem just a mere coincidence does it? I wish such dreams would leave me forever and substitute it with sweeter dreams, dreams of you.
Once again, star awards is back and that marks the end of another year. One year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, it doesn't seem that long neither is it short but why does it seem to pass within a blink of an eye? Many things have happened in the past one year, at least for me. Friendships have been forged and broken, hearts have been broken and yet mended again. I've had alot of ups and downs for that year and i wish it will be behind me and won't come back to haunt me. And of course, i know they wouldnt because i've got you, my dear. I'm no longer afraid.
Been planning my birthday party for the past few days and i can't seem to find a perfect caterer for my party. They are either too expensive, having just thai or western food on their menu or, too expensive again. Does anyone know of a good caterer? Do e-mail or sms me if you do. I so need help from you guys! Planning a party isn't easy at all! Now i know. I hope all of you will be able to attend. One thing's for sure, the date's set at 29th december 2006 so keep that day free guys. Stayovers are welcomed :)
Too tired to think of anything right now. If not for car, i wouldnt be racking my brains to think of things to type in here! Seriously, my blog's getting very mundane with nothing to blog. I just hope that people still read my blog.
Lovely Angel <
9:19 PM
Thursday, November 09, 2006
It's just another Thursday afternoon but i feel surprisingly light hearted. As if all the worries in the world has evaporated on its own leaving just pure happiness to me. It's amazing how one's emotions change as time goes by. One moment you could be lamenting on the fact that you're up to your neck with projects yet the next you could be thanking the lords for this wonderful person sitting right next to you. How true when one says a women's emotions are like that of weather, so unpredictable yet so scary! However, being a feminist, i would like to say just one thing to defend my fellow 'womanhood', being unpredictable doesn't mean we're not true to our emotions. So, when i say 'I love you', i do mean it.
How time flies. I'm already into my first half of term one. Very quickly, Christmas would have come and gone, New Year greetings would be exchanged in a blink of an eye and then comes the most exciting part of next year - CHINA TRIP! Having mixed feelings about the trip now. I don't know if i should feel glad/fortunate for the chance or dreadful that i've got to leave my loved ones behind. I like to take things one step at a time. Let the future speak for itself while i shall enjoy my little lovely moments.
A very big thank you all my friends for your support throughout my driving lessons and all your good wishes. I do hope i pass as well and the only way i can ever repay your kindness would be to chauffeur you guys around. How does that sound? However, nothing's confirmed yet so please don't pressurize me! Ha ha Anyway, i do love you guys. Muackz!
A very big thank you to you too for everything. All those small little surprises, the little hugs, they have in one way or the other made my day and lifted my spirits.
Lovely Angel <
12:01 PM
Monday, November 06, 2006
Update my post, i shall. A long post, i shan't. Havent been in the mood for writing of late. Perhaps its because i feel that my English is getting from bad to worse and i would love to spare you guys from the agony of reading a passage full of grammatical mistakes. Car, my love, you do understand how i feel don't you?
Last week was great. Started off by celebrating Yiting's 18th birthday on Friday. Woo hoo! You're finally 18 girl! There are so many things we can do together then. I shall ask you out for drinks (though i know you'll be drunk after two sips), watched movies rated M18 as well as club though i won't encourage you to do. Hmm, looking at the number of limitations, there are quite a number of things you can't do. I wouldn't wanna lead you astray either. You're an innocent girl. *crosses my fingers* Ha ha. Well, i hoped you liked the present i gave you. Yes those stuff were my idea. I thought that would be a very good start to a new level of maturity but i didn't expect you to throw the most important stuff away! At the very least, give it to me! Ha ha See below for illustration.
Oops.. Your mom doesn't read your blog, does she?
Friday ended with clubbing at MOS. My very first clubbing experience and I would go there again if you ask me. Girls, we should go there together one day. Have fun, let your hair down and paint the town red! However, i wouldn't encourage anyone to go too often. Its not a good place and yes, i wouldn't go often too. This i promise you.
The stars have been too bright recently. Painting the sky a clear white. They seem to be happy for me. And happy for me, they are indeed for they mirror my emotions. Thank you for lighting the sky. Thank you for lighting my life.
Lovely Angel <
10:08 AM
