Entries
Thursday, May 31, 2007
My previous entry has created a rather huge controversy which resulted in people coming up to me, asking me who that girl is. My advice to all of you? Don't ask. Don't even question. Don't ever speculate. There is no way you will ever know her. No way you will ever see her. Her true self i mean. It's all but a facade. An act of innocence, an expression of arrogance, a display of intelligence and most of all, a showdown between two girls.
To those who were concerned, i would like to extend my appreciation to everyone of you:
To Amanda: Thank you for always calling at the right time. Your handphone bills must have cost alot. I'm sorry babe. However, i do appreciate the kind words and your undying support for me regardless whether i'm at fault or not.
To my roomies: Thank you for saying the right words and the hugs by yt. Sorry for plaguing your precious sleep time. Having said that, thank you for all your words of encouragement and your patience whenever i come to you with problems like these.
To all others concerned (esp huijun): Thank you. There's no other way i can show my thanks other than thanking you once again. Thank you huijun, for always being there. To the rest, you're not forgotten.
i would like to be left alone. Even if its just a few days. I need this time away from the world to think of things important to me and people who may indirectly affect my future in more ways than one. Perhaps all i need is just some time.
Lovely Angel <
6:53 PM
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
How would one define friends? I would say friends are people who will be there for you, friends are people who will share weal and woe with you. However, friends are not people who backstab you but play the nice innocent girl that she is infront of you and infront of every guy around her. I see friends in ql, yt, car, chin and amanda but i do not see it in YOU.
YOU disgust me. Being SO FRIENDLY infront of me when the other guys are around but play around with words when YOU talk to me over msn. Fuck YOU. This isn't the first time it has happened. Being the nice girl that i am, i decided to give you the benefit of the doubt because you are HIS friend and i didn't want things to turn sour between the both of you over me. YOU would just accuse me wouldn't you? Just accuse me of taking away someone who has been showering so much attention on YOU before i came into the picture wouldnt YOU? I'm sure YOU would go running to every guy with those pathetically sad eyes on how i've bullied YOU, wouldn't YOU? That would so get them to YOUR side.
How very wrong i was about YOU. YOU acted so innocently so sweet, i was ALMOST taken in by YOU. I am not a fool as YOU can see. YOU seriously think that people around you will side with you all the time just because YOU'RE a girl? Fuck YOU la. Just fuck the hell outta my sight. Seriously, if YOU think it was just an honour just to have peek of that sweet little thing, well, i can only say that YOU'RE not the only one. Then again, i seriously don't fucking care. I don't wanna go into detail on how fucked up YOU are. I wouldn't want YOUR stinking reputation to stain my innocent blog. People who would like to know more about this GIRL can visit carmen's blog @ theprincess-carmen.blogspot.com or yiting's blog @ scarletto-scorp.blogspot.com
Friends, how nice when you used that word to describe someone you've known for a period of time. Friends, how very nice if they didn't turn around and backstab you. Friends, how nice it would be if they were just there. Friends, how great it would be if they didn't envy you or wanted to take something away frm you. Friends, how gratefully happy i am that YOU don't meet that most basic criteria of a friend. Think over it babe, there's still time to repent.
Lovely Angel <
9:49 PM
I'm missing you
even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
The last thing that I wanna hear
But if your heart's not in it for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world for you
Anything you ask of me I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it
You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got somethin' to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard
How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind
I can't make you change your mind
Lovely Angel <
9:27 PM
Monday, May 28, 2007
It's funny
How immature we all used to be in the past.
How lovers turned enemies over night.
How friends became even better friends.
How good friends became your life partner...
This may sound cliche but things happen for a reason and that reason's you.
Feeling really happy at the moment.
I don't know why my sentences are so short.
Oh who bothers? I'm happy and i do what i want.
Watch out world, I'm back!
Lovely Angel <
3:55 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007
Yes, i've been awfully free these days so don't be shocked to see me updating my blog every other day. I've been too free that thoughts have been running wild in my mind. So free that i'm noticing every little single detail, noticing the small precious moments figurine that's seated at a slanted angle on my desk. So free that i thought it was a bad omen. So free that i couldn't sleep at night. I have been too free, too free for my own good. However, this privilege will end today for i will be mugging for my Chinese Lit test as of tomorrow.
Been downloading an awful lot of songs recently. Songs that i've not heard of. Songs whom artistes i'm not even aware of. Songs which bring back lots of memories. Most importantly, songs which bring a whole new meaning to my life. I used to like english songs cos i felt that they were easier to sing but eversince i got into this course, i started listening to chinese songs on a more regular basis and i felt that they carry an even deeper meaning. Songs relating to love or friendship have both touched me in more ways than one. Yes, songs do matter alot to me. I have my own song, what about you? Does your song happen to be the same as mine?
Finished watching 转角遇到爱recently and i was very touched by the show. It isn't your normal cheesy drama where nothing comes out from watching it. It isn't your normal romantic movie where the poor pauper turned into a rich handsome prince. No, none of the above. I have derived an entirely new meaning about love. Loving someone means giving him/her the best he/she could ever have and that also means letting them go. Loving someone just means giving up your own happiness for that special someone. Sometimes, love just ain't enough i think. I would be willing to give my loved one up if he finds someone of a better calibre. I will be willing to do all these because i love him.
Woke up at a god-forbidden 7am today just to get my visa done. Apparently, my visa was only able to allow me to stay in china till june and we had to extend it for another 1.5 months. I was just wondering to myself, if i don't go for this morning's visa extension, would i be able to go back earlier? Will i be able to see my mom earlier? Or even my beloved dog? Its pure torture not being able to see my family members for the whole of my stay except for that few days my dad and sis were here. Been reading my friends' blogs and i could tell that they're all very unhappy over here. Waking up to doors slamming is one thing. Waking up at 7am everyday when you don't even have enough sleep is another. Not only do we have to endure the huge culture shock, we have to study. No, not just study like we do in Singapore but study HARD and score well for exams. We're no genius honey, we don't spend our childhood memorizing chinese poems. That aside, the weather's getting from bad to worse and it has dampened our spirits a great deal. We feel tired most of the time and have absolutely no mood to study. So i wonder how we're ever gonna score for C lit test next week... Somehow i feel that our teacher's gonna be real disappointed with us. Well, it's not the first time anyway. Luckily mom called while i was waiting for my visa to be done and that call made my day.
We got everything done by 930am so i really don't know why she asked us to meet at 8am when we could have slept in for a little while longer. Having lots of time on our hands, ql,yt and i decided to head downtown for our first ever macdonald's breakfast. It sucked totally and that only made me miss singapore even more. I don't even wanna go into detail on how much the food sucked. Having had our fill, we decided to walk around town. Though it was real early, the streets were flooded with people. Seriously, don't they ever sleep? We discovered new places today and i was happy with my buy. Yup, we all didn't come back empty handed. Dinner at straits cafe was an unpleasant affair. Firstly, the food sucked. Secondly, the service sucked. Is it so difficult to be nice to customers like us? Lastly, practically everyone was smoking in the restaurant. Well, i just hope that i don't suffer from any lung diseases when i'm back!
Tomorrow's your big day darling. I'm sorry i'm not able to celebrate this special day with you. However, my heart's always with you. I hope you enjoy yourself on this very special day. Happy 23rd birthday my love. May you always be happy, I love you.
Lovely Angel <
7:55 PM
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
爱转角
我伪装着
不露痕迹的 想在你身边
静静的陪着看着天边
骑着单车
往前行进着
某个路口 爱在等着
你往前走
不回头看了 记忆的笑脸
缓缓的敲着我的琴键
我不舍得
让你孤单单的
我爱你的 心牵挂着
心不再拚命躲 不去害怕结果
假设有个以后 你会怎么说
一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走
下个路口 你会看见爱
有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美
爱转角以后的街 能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
]你就是我 就是我的美
心不再拚命躲 不去害怕结果
假设有个以后 你会怎么说
一直想跟你说 幸福不再溜走
下个路口 你会看见爱
有美丽笑容
爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美
爱转角以後的街 能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
也许陌生到了解 让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我 就是我的美
爱转角遇见了谁 是否有爱情的美
爱转角以後的街 能不能有我来陪
爱转角遇见了谁 是否不让你流泪
将寂寞孤单作废 让我来当你的谁
我不让爱掉眼泪 不让你掉眼泪
现在永远
你就是我 就是我的美
为什麽你轻易俘虏我的心
我却难以将你的目光拉近
Lovely Angel <
1:14 PM
Sunday, May 20, 2007
And i just love counting down...
With just 57 days left to home, i'm beginning to feel that the scene that i've yearned for the past few months is finally coming to reality. Dad and sis just took the red eye yesterday and are already safely back in Singapore. I will miss you guys. Thanks for dropping by to visit me, especially gean when you've got your precious jeff stucked in Singapore. I appreciate that though. Well, it's just two more months till we meet again. Don't miss me too much!
To all concerned, i'm feeling much better. Thank you for all your sweet tags as well as consolation. I have resolved all my problems on Friday and though accusations were fired, all's well now and i'm happy. Really happy. To this person : I may not be the most understanding person on earth, i may not be the most sensible person on earth neither am i the most caring person on earth, but i do love you with all my heart. I'm sorry for causing all these unnesccesary quarrels. Believe me, it was the last thing that i want. Sigh.. All those talk about me becoming more matured during my china trip was just talk but no action. How very disappointed i am with myself.
Another thing that's worth a mention here in my blog would be that self-study class on Friday is finally cancelled! We now officially have a four day school week! No more waking up early on Fridays, no more sitting in the classroom for 3 hours with nothing to do, no more waiting till the clock strikes 11 before finally making our way downtown for lunch! We can finally sleep in. Sometimes i feel that self-study is a waste of time. No point forcing us to study for that period of time. We are all different individuals. We have our own methods of studying. For instance, i like to study in the middle of the night when everyone's asleep and i'm free to do whatever i want. I can't study in a class of 42 where everyone's talking or whispering, people blasting their MP3s or teachers walking in and out. Totally distracting. I'm happy with the change and i hope that the last two months in China will pass by smoothly with no more hiccups along the way and unhappy moments.
I have finally caught the last episode of The L word season 3. I do, however, wish that season 4's dvd would be out in stores. I have been eating the L word, sleeping the L word, dreaming the L word and watching the L word. Now that i'm done with season 3, i feel a sudden sense of loss. Like the sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S, i felt like i was part of their lives, i 'saw' them grow, become best friends and eventually partners for life. The L word is no exception. I was involved in the lives of a lesbian. I saw how they lived their lives, how they shared precious moments as well as how they managed to overcome their fears and admit that they are different from the so-called 'normal' beings. I was brought into a whole new world and i loved every single bit of it.
Celebrated huijun's birthday last wednesday and it was a blast. I'm glad that she enjoyed herself on that special day where around 15 of us gathered in the small hostel room just to celebrate her birthday for her. It was an unforgettable moment. I saw the love of jean, yifang and annie. I saw how importants friends are. I saw that, no matter what you do, true friends will always stand by you. This then brought me thinking about my friends. To all my friends, regardless whether you're close to me or not, i do appreciate all that you've done for me. No words can ever express my gratitude to all of you. I love you guys.
Some pictures taken on Huijun's birthday.
The birthday girl
Lovely Angel <
10:42 AM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
BAMP!!
Yup, i'm back to reality. The past few days were like a dream to me. Everything just happened so quickly that i wasn't able to grab savour each and every second spent with my dad and sis. Having been away from them for almost 2.5months, i've missed them a great deal. I miss bitching with my sis, having confrontations with dad, shopping with sis as well as the whole family togetherness kinda feeling. It has been so long since i last experienced that and i did feel a tinge of sadness when they left for Shanghai just this morning. I'm such a baby when i come to things like these. I hate departures. I hate saying goodbyes. I hate forcing myself to be nonchalant about everything when i care so much inside. I hate forcing myself to smile and laugh when in fact i'm desperately looking forward to a quiet moment where i can just break down and cry.
It hasn't been all fun and laughter for me the few days my dad was here. I was caught in my own thoughts, thinking them over and over again and before i knew it, it has become an even bigger problem. A problem so big that i don't know how to solve it. A problem so big that i myself don't know how or when it happened. Yes, i've been very moody for the past few days but i had to maintain my strong deposition infront of them. I don't want them to think that i'm suffering here in china. I don't want them worrying about me because, in their eyes, i'm a strong girl. A girl who doesn't give a damn about her family. A girl who just wants to enjoy every single moment of her life. But, i'm not that girl. I do have my moody moments at times. I do get depressed sometimes. I do cry too..
It really has been hard for me suppressing my feelings for the past few days. I thank you all for being so patient with me especially my roommates. Thank you QL, YT and Car for always being there for me. Sometimes, i feel that it doesn't matter if everything else falls on me when i am in china as long as i've got you guys. Thank you all, i love you. Thank you too car for offering those words of encouragement. Perhaps what you said was right, perhaps what i may pretend not to take any of it to heart but believe me, i do appreciate all that you've said. Thank you so much for just being there.
Well, unhappy moments aside, i'm really glad that all's well with Huijun. Always remember my dear, that we will always be here for you no matter what. Room 115 is always open for you to pour your sorrows to us. We're all in this together and we will help one another overcome any problem too difficult for us alone to solve. Hugz jun, cheer up!
Some photos i took during the weekends. Enjoy!
A very belated Mother's Day present. Though it may not reach you mom, but i do wish for you to be the happiest mother on earth. Happy Mother's Day!
My sis and I at Grandma's kitchen. Belive me, they serve excellent food
Cute baby hamsters at 吴山广场
Aww... what a cute chinchilla!
Dad, trying to stop himself from laughing out loud while posing for the camera
Getting her seal done
Lovely Angel <
5:07 PM
Sunday, May 06, 2007
There you were, at my doorstep, looking at me with longing and loving eyes. And there I was, shocked at the thought of seeing you there. For a moment, I couldn’t move. I was glued to the ground. I couldn’t believe my eyes and my luck. How could you, how could you have abandoned everything just to come for me? Really I was touched. We hugged each other for the longest time as if I’ve been away for 2 years when, in fact, we’ve only been apart for 2 months. We spent the entire day together though I had classes. We sat under the tree and just lied in each other’s arms as if there was no tomorrow. Yes, there you were when I needed you most.
How nice it would be if it was true. How very touched I would be. Apparently, it was nothing but a dream. A dream which made me miss you more than I ever could. If invading my mind in the day isn’t enough, you had to disrupt my peaceful sleep! Now, you made me wonder if that dream would ever come true. Would I, like in the dream, stay rooted to the ground when you come? Would we just relax under a tree and enjoy each other’s company? Ah, all these are just wishful thinking on my part. How nice it would be if the world was devoid of “ifs”. I would be a happier person.
How time flies. A week has passed since the last day of Term 1 and the next term’s about to begin. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed myself very much for the past week for we have all been burdened by one thing or the other. Very soon, I’ll be waiting in anticipation for my dad’s arrival for that will mark the 2.5 month of our stay in China with just 2 more months to go or rather 9 more weeks to Singapore. I’ve been thinking about 15th of July for the longest time and as it seems to be getting nearer, it is also getting further away from me. It seems so foreign suddenly. The scene at the airport seems a blur to me now for I don’t know what to expect when I’m back. Will I be greeted happily by my family members, friends and my love? Or will I dread my arrival for fear that things will change? That I could not adapt to this ‘new’ lifestyle? Whatever it is, it is still 2 months away. Things may not have changed that drastically then.
As promised, I would upload the photos taken at KTV. I know I’m a week late but last week’s plan to go singing was cancelled for we were too tired on Friday and decided to get back to the hostel for a quick nap before heading to town. Once again, I didn’t go back to my hostel empty handed. I got myself a wallet as well as a handbag. Pretty good stuff I would have to say for the price I bought for it. One disappointment though, was that I wasn’t able to get the big bag that I wanted. However, QL and I have got our eyes set on this Nike bag which costs a , god forbid, whopping 700 RMB which works out to S$140! Sponsors for this bag do feel free to contact me or just transfer the money into my bank account. *hint* *hint* haha.
Car, Yt and me at KTV Rat. Yeah that's what they call it.
Me again
That's how big the room is
Yeah, you didn't see wrongly. That was the song Ql sang!
Lovely Angel <
9:05 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
So many things happened in our room for the past few days. Tears have been shed, accusations have been fired, worries have been made but one thing good came out of it, our bonds have been strengthened. I will not go into detail the events that happened for i know i wouldn't want any of my roommates to blog about such personal stuff in a public place where everyone will be reading it. However, i just wanna say this to my roommates - whatever it is, i will still be there for you like you guys have been. Love you guys. Fret not, home is just 75 days away.
Finished watching "Music and lyrics" last night and i was so mesmerized by the song Hugh Grant sang for Drew Barrymore, titled "Don't write me off". A nice sweet song which reminded me of the promise i once made to you. I had wanted to watch this show with you but because of school commitments, i had to leave you to this faraway place where i will be for the next 2.5 months. However short it may be, i still look forward to the day i'm back. I've missed you so much baby.. Without further ado, let's just have a look at the song lyrics yeah?
It's never been easy for me
To find words to go along with a melody
But this time there's actually something on my mind
So please forgive me for these few brief awkward lines
Since i met you my whole life has changed
It's not just the furniture you've rearranged
I was living in the past
But somehow you've brought me back
and i haven't felt like this since Frankie said relax
and now i know based on my track record
I might not seem like the safest bet
All i'm asking you is
Don't write me off just yet
For years i've been telling myself the same old story
That i'm happy to live off my so called former glories
but you've given me a reason
To take another chance
Now i need you despite the fact
that you've killed all my plants
and now i know
I've already blown more chances
than anyone should ever get
all i'm asking is
Don't write me off just yet
Yes darling, this song is for you. You may have made my life upside down but i'm completely in love with you. Don't write me off darling for i'm sure there are many more nice surprises awaiting us. I love you.
Lovely Angel <
10:23 PM
