Entries
Thursday, August 30, 2007
It's funny how we go to the same place almost everyday but i never did run into you. Not once.
It's funny how much i care.
It's funny how much i actually bother.
Fuck, why the heck am i even bothering when i think i have nothing to fear?
Do i have a reason to fear? Or am i just thinking too much?
Another thing, its funny how i so wish for you to fuck off but you still keep butting your way in. Fuck you. Fuck the hell out of you. No one needs you and obviously not me, thank you very much.
It's funny how much i wish to breakdown, get away from here...
Lovely Angel <
5:03 PM
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Time flies. With just 8 more days, zhenyuan and co. will be leaving for their much anticipated trip to china. Which reminded me of myself 5 and a half months ago. I'm actually quite glad that i'm over and done with everything. I would hate to leave all that i have now for china again although i do miss the times in China. The nice outings i had with my dears, the heart to heart talks, the bitchings as well as the times when we hugged each other in search for comfort and warmth. Still, good luck to the next batch going to China. I hope you guys take good care of yourself and keep in touch!
Finally, thursday has arrived again. Every week, i look forward to wednesday class not only because i love the lecturer but also because it signifies the ending of another tedius week. Next week marks our very first e-learning week at NIE. How very excited i am about that. Imagine, no more waking up early on days that i've got school at an unearthly 930am! One drawback of the e-learning week, however, is that i got to report to Nanyang Junior College on both Monday and Tuesday for some NIE event, courtesy of Yiting. There goes my sleep for the first two days of my so-called holiday! I hope the two days will be an eventful one for me or else, yiting may have to watch her back. Ha ha just joking babe. I love you to bits.
And i have lost. Lost to all things possible. Alright, i admit. I am defeated.
Finally, to pei pei: yup, you're right babe. I do have a faithful boyfriend and i love him to bits. I'm sure yours will wait for you too. Its only 4.5 months! Come on, it'll all pass very quickly. Take good care of yourself. Keep in touch!
Lovely Angel <
5:49 PM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
I NEED A LIFE. MY LIFE.
Oh, did i also mention that i fucking hate leaders who boss you around like nobody's business? Seriously, fuck off and go do some self reflection. You need that badly. Also, there's no need to know everything relating to another person.
School's getting to me. People are getting to me. Luckily for me, i'm left with one more week to school before our much awaited e-learning week where i can bid goodbye to my very nice and understanding classmates of mine for one week.
To my dears, qiaolin and yiting, thank you for being there for me when i needed you most. Thanks for always listening to me grumble about my life and yet not say a single word to discourage me in any way. Yup, i guess i really need to do upgrade my moral values just a bit more. Come on, it isn't as bad as u think it is right?
Lovely Angel <
4:05 PM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
I seem to be updating on a four day basis. Reason being, i'm so busy from mondays to wednesdays that i hardly have time for myself let alone blog. Things has been as smooth as a rollercoaster ride. The past week has been a hell of an emotional week for me so much so that crying and laughing have become a part of my life. I still sometimes cry myself to sleep, stare blankly into space and not understand a single word my friends are talking about. Man, am i so going to hell for this.
I saw someone yesterday. I couldnt say that he played a vital role in my past but well, he was my CJ schoolmate. He brought back memories for me. Happy memories as well as unhappy ones. They used to be so happy in the past but just 2 years down the road, both led separate lives. Both have got another person they want to share the rest of their lives with. How scary one's heart changes. How scary it is when the promise of eternity is broken. I still remembered the storms they have encountered together, promising to be by each other's side come what may. Apparently, all was said in a state of impulse. It was only puppy love then. Words are cheap.
Now four years on, things have indeed changed. For better or for worse you decide. Would i suffer the same fate as they did two years back? Things are unpredictable. No matter how very much i wish for the promises of eternity to come true, how much i wish that love would withstand the test of time, it still very much depends on the other party or rather, as everyone believes in, fate.
Now fly away my little one. Go to a place where winter is gone and summer is near. Go to a place where happiness lies. Stay no more in this cold and unfeeling cage. See the outside world for a change. I'm sure it beats staying in the cage waiting for your owner to feed u when the time comes. Fly away my little one, i'm sure you deserve more than this.
Oh i still wish for you to fuck off by the way.
Lovely Angel <
5:49 PM
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Ok, haven't been updating n four days. Been busy with school, school and school!! Then again, time flies as i've just completed my second week of school! With another two weeks, i'll be enjoying my much anticipated e-learning week! That means, we all get to stay home and slack and what have you!
Finally met up with Amanda. Thank you for your presents babe! I love it!! I've missed you so much for the past 6 months! Thank you for all your advice. I really appreciate it and i'm so glad that everything turned out fine for you.
All along i thought the one year mark would signify a moment of stability. However, with just two months into the much anticipated one year, i feel myself drifting further and further apart. Or should i say, everything isn't as stable as i thought it would be?
Lovely Angel <
9:26 PM
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
I just wish you would disappear from *'s life. Haven't you done enough hurt? Do you still wish for * to continue missing you after you're gone? Please don't make yourself so cheap. Do you want * to be scarred by that all * life and not throw any real effort into any other relationship? Fuck you. I wish you could just fuck off from * life. Don't try to act the innocent and nice person, asking * all those retarded questions. Fuck, get a life and stay away from *. Please dont make * think of you anymore. And because of you, * isn't able to look forward. Because of you, i am feeling insecured almost every fucking day. Do yourself a favour, fuck off.
Lovely Angel <
8:06 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
And tomorrow marks the start of a brand new week. A new set of challenges. A brand new start. With anticipation comes fear. Fear of the unknown. New things never fail to scare me. Changes never fail to intimidate me. Sometimes i wish i could just run away, run away from every responsibility that i have. Run away from things or people who are either suffocating me or pushing me to a place where i've nowhere to hide, nowhere to display my truest emotions, no place for me. It ironic when i wished so much to be back in Singapore when i was in China only to be reminiscing about those days in Cheena-land now that i'm back. We have it so easy over there. Doing whatever we like, without anyone hovering over us like we are five year olds, without a worry in the world though we're constantly worrying about our loved ones at the other end of the world. Still, life in China seems more carefree, i was happier.
I just wish to run away from this place. Run away from everyone. Run away from my insecurities.
And i'm feeling so lonely. I'm worried for all the wrong reasons and i need an outlet to vent all my troubles but apparently, there's no one i can turn to. Have you forgotten or you just couldn't care?
Lovely Angel <
9:53 PM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
I hate it when i can't hear a single word. Something i wish to hear. You know i've put in everything that i can. There's no hurrying? Fuck! It's not about hurrying, it's about how you want it to be. Seriously, i'm getting further and further away from my dream. Don't let this dream become a fantasy because i'm telling you, it's happening. It's just a matter of sooner or later.
I hate it when things don't go my way. Fuck. Fuck off.
On a lighter note, today marks my first year anniversary with my blog. Happy one year bloggie!! I can't believe i've kept up with it for a year. I imagine myself a year ago at qiaolin's house trying to figure this damn thing with the help of yiting of course. Luckily for me, both qiaolin and yiting aren't as helpless as me when it comes to computers and within 30 minutes, i've gotten my blog started up and have changed my blog skin 2-3 times in the short span of one year. Let's just hope this blog stays yeah? I love you bloggie. You reflect me in so more ways than one and let's go thru everything together yeah? I love you. Finally, not forgetting you guys who have been faithfully reading my blog. Thank you!
Last but not least, welcome back amanda!!! I've missed you so very much.
Lovely Angel <
8:06 PM
So the first week of school has passed by quite smoothly albeit some minor hiccups along the way what with us feeling quite drained out by the end of the week not to mention facing some very irresponsible lectuerers on our very first week of school. We woke up at an unearthly hour of 0545am only to be greeted with disappointment for our very first etymology lecture. Not only were we stood up by the lecturer, he did not even have the courtest to inform us that he was held up at some place, some where. Fortunately for us, huijun checked with the general office and finally, at 0945 hrs, we were told that the lecturer would not be coming in for the day. Thank god for Huijun or we would be waiting stupidly for that bloody fool to come.
These days i've been thinking and wondering so much that i'm not myself. I do things i rarely do. I say things that the old me would never dared to do in the past. Is the world changing? Or as quoted from Qiaolin, the world is ending soon? Ha ha I am truly amazed at the things i hear myself say. I may be mean but i do keep it under wraps most of the time. But why is it that people around me have been seeing this ugly side of me, something that i find it so hard to hide? Apologies to all who has seen fiery tempers fly up or heard some really nasty remarks from me. Those of you, you know who you are. I'm sorry.
Perhaps i really should change and start gearing up for the teaching world. It wouldn't do me good to be so strong headed sometimes. I seriously must learn to have some morals. Alright then, no more nasty thoughts of so and so and no more fiery tempers! If only that were so easy to attain! Ah, someone just kill me for you will never see me utter sweet praises or flare the smallest and most minimal of all tempers. How hard is it to be in this society? Someone tell me please. I so desperately need to know.
And as usual, i've been in a world of my own. Wrapped in my own thoughts. Thoughts that i could never entangle myself out of it. No one understands how i feel other than the usual buddies like qiaolin and yiting. The rest just listen and do nothing about it. Do you really know what i want? All you guys can say is, Karmene, you think too much for your own good. For fuck's sake, as if i don't know myself well enough! Who are you to comment on that? I bet you don't think as much as i do. Don't cherish what i've been cherishing all along. Perhaps i'm right which probably explains why we are on different wavelengths. Ah.. How the world is changing so very much.
Well, just let me die in this heavily moralized world. A place which can't fit a girl like me in.
Lovely Angel <
8:06 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Yup, for those of you who have been faithfully reading my blog, school has officially started at NIE. It has only been two days since the start of school and i'm already drained of all my energy. Not only does the journey to school take 2 hours, i got to wake up at an unearthly 530am everyday! Well i can only wish myself luck for the next 1.5 years and hope i survive in there. Enough of such down and dull stuff shall we? Darling brought me to a really nice place last saturday - NDP rehearsal!! My first ever NDP experience and it was with my baby. Thanks dear. You truly know how to make me a happy girl. I love you baby. Photos are uploaded for ur viewing pleasure.
While waiting for the rehearsal to start
THE ticket!!
We were so bored that we started taking pictures! Really! We waited for a whole 1.5 hours for the rehearsal to start. All because the ticket stated that we are advised to reach the parade before 5pm.
NDP 07
Ooh.. sweets..
At such close proximity. Funny how i felt like crying when i saw the flag breeze past me. It always has this effect on me!
Celebrating 40 years of national service
My favourite segment. The display of warcraft engines!
Altogether now..
No fireworks that evening but i still enjoyed myself nonetheless. Thanks baby for making this evening such an unforgettable one. I love you lots.
Lovely Angel <
8:06 PM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Finally, some photos taken since i came back. Not alot but at least it tells you guys what i've been up to for the past few weeks. Meeting darling, meeting darling and meeting darling!
Our last shot at the hostel.
Exhilarated! Taken at Shanghai Pudong International Airport. Home, here we come!
First shot taken with baby after 4.5 months!
Cam whoring again. What's new?
Hand in hand, together forever
A few days ago, we tried our hand at the neoprint machine and baby darling got so hooked on to it, we spent half an hour there!
Cute darling, oblivious to my impatience!
A victory shot. Like finally!!
Thanks darling for spending so much time with me! I love you so very much. Thanks baby, i will never let you go.
Lovely Angel <
6:29 PM
