Entries
Friday, September 28, 2007
Haven't updated in almost a week and in just a short span of one week, many unexpected things happened. For one, it hit me really bad as it concerned one of my closest friends. My dear, you know who you are, i sincerely hope things are going on fine with you. Remember, you still got me. I will always be here for you.
I spent an entire day slacking at home on monday morning and it turned out to be really good for i sorted out my thoughts. Well, most of them in fact. I'm still trying hard to let go of some really stubborn feelings. Thank you to those who have listened to me patiently without trying to turn my pathetic plight into some kinda joke. Thank you too for those who has given me nothing but trouble and worries. You did a really good job. You have added yet another worry to my already long running list. I do appreciate all the effort you've put in. I have to say, you have succeeded in making me or us who i(we) are today. I am just intruder aren't i? You're so afraid of me turning it into a minus 1 huh? Well, why don't you ask * what * has done? There, only would you know the full story.
Have you guys heard of the new song by fang wei qi? Its called "zhe xue jia" loosely translated as philosopher. If only i was a philosopher, i would be able to forget your name in an instance. If only i was a philosopher, i would be able to fuck off from you.
Oh one more thing. WE really do hate you. It's not a feeling. Its a fact.
Lovely Angel <
9:37 PM
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Haven't blogged in the longest time and for a split second, i had the thought of abandoning this blog altogether. Why post yet another melancholic post again? Why make my readers speculate all that has happened to me again? I'm seriously sick and tired of blogging, especially when all my emotions comes out negatively.
The past week hasn't been smooth. It still isn't. I wonder when i'm gonna get myself out of this but i'm thinking it will take time. People around me say i've changed and i wonder if i really have. It hurts me to hear that come out from my close friends. Have i really changed into someone no one can communicate with? Am i so predictable?
I'm in a tate of loss. I no longer know what belongs to me and what doesn't. Can i not have anything at all?
Lovely Angel <
7:44 PM
Saturday, September 15, 2007
I may appear to be strong.
I may appear to be really crappy and crazy.
I may appear very happy.
But trust me, its fucking hurting inside.
That's how life is huh? How ironic.
Lovely Angel <
7:44 PM
Friday, September 14, 2007
From failed relationships to friendships, there isn't a single thing i manage to do right. I've been reviewing myself for the past two days and have finally came to a conclusion, that i'm a failure. I failure in every possible, imaginable way. I don't know how i managed to do it but the amount of effort that i put in the my returns seem to have something against each other, or rather, they like eah other alot. The more effort i put in, the worser my returns. Now, this then brings me to a question, would putting in less effort derive greater returns? I'm afraid not. It just doesn't work in my case. Rewards are benefits just have soemthing against me. I can't seem to get them no matter how hard i try.
Apparently, i seemed to have failed with you. Oh fuck, i didn't fail you. You failed me. No matter how hard i try, i get pushed even further away. What the fuck? You come to me only when you've got problems to tell and expect me to all concerned and worried but you fuck off the very next moment when someone does something nicer or makes you happy even for just one second. Fuck man, i'm no caller machine whereby you just vent all your sorrows and unhappiness then scoot off like nobodies' business. And you still called me your bestie. Fuck, i don't deserve this status. It's all too high and mighty for me. Too much stress to handle. Just fuck me off your so-called bestie list. I'm not the only one and i'm sure there are others out there DYING to be on that to-die-for list. If being your bestie meant that i'm only able to talk to you when you're fucking down and having to always arrange for meetings, meetings in which you are either too busy to attend or meetings in which you just cancel off at the very last minute and just leave me hanging there. And i haven't even heard from you after you cancelled on me. If i hadn't messaged you out of concern, you might have even forget about this bestie. You know what? You can just fucking fuck off. I will not, i repeat, will not take the initiative to ask you out ever. Neither will i play the nice friend that i am, waiting for you to call me ONLY when you've got problems. Fuck man. Go fuck yourself please.
Oh and did i mention that i hate being someone else's spare tyre? Just fuck off already right? To think i've been in the dark all along. To think that i was trying to change myself into a better person to suit you but all along, it just isn't enough. You just want me to be her don't you? Doll myself up like her? I have totally lost to you. Yes, you won only by a mere fraction. What if i told you i was also moulding you into him? How would that feel? That feeling sucks ain't it? If you never put yourself in my shoes, you will NEVER fucking understand how i feel.
Oh, no more tank tops and bohemian skirts for me. Fuck that off my wadrobe. I swear i will never wear that again. Go find someone else you can mould. I'm not your puppet
Lovely Angel <
5:43 AM
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Right, and so there goes my one week holiday. Been pretty stressed up for the past two days rushing assignments and facing the computer a few hours a day. Thankfully, all's done with the exception of a two more projects waiting to be completed. I can finally bid adieu to the most hated e-learning week. One good thing, however, was that i caught a few more hours of badly deprived sleep. Once again, school will start and it's back to late nights and early mornings for me. I do wish i buck up for the second half of the semester though. I don't want to see myself failing any modules. Talking about failing, my results will be out real soon. Hold your breath guys.
6th September 2007 was a nostalgic day for me as well as, i'm sure, the second batch of CHS students. I arrived at the airport slightly after 1030pm to be greeted by huge crowds of people. Friends sending friends off, relatives sending their daughters or sons off, excited chattering could be heard from all over the airport as well as emotional scenes witnessed by me. Looking at them brought back happy and sad memories for me. I could never imagine leaving YOU again for that faraway land. I could never imagine not hugging YOU or feeling YOU for the next 5 months. How glad i was just a spectator. How glad i was just someone in the crowds, sending another friend off. I did feel nostalgic though. Truth be told, i do miss China a great deal. Wait, ONLY after my exams were over. The period before sucks and it was only when everything was cleared that i was able to spend some well deserved time with my buddies. Thanks guys, you have made me realize how important friends are and i will cherish you forever.
Now with all my friends overseas, its no wonder why i'm constantly stucked at home, blogging my time away as well as turning to crunchyroll to catch the dramas i've missed out when i was in China. To my cheen - mates, do watch mars vs venus if time permits, not a bad show and it really does make you understand more about men and vice-versa.
And i'm feeling better. But i still hate YOU. That's how the world goes round babe. You either win or lose. Fuck off.
The trio. I'm so gonna miss you guys.
And you too, sweets. You've light up my life
Lovely Angel <
6:03 AM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
And e-learning week is into its halfway mark. So is my life. I see myself slacking and lazing around at home for the past three days. This isn't what i expected for my holidays to be! Where's everyone when i needed them? I seriously feel that holidays are a bother. Not only do you have to worry about the tons of homework to be completed, you've got to worry also about the places to go, the people to meet as well as fending off some very irritating people who gets on my nerves constantly. Seriously, is it a little too much to ask for you to be real? Then again, two can play at a game. Any game.
Having lots of time at hand, i'm doing what i do best. Thinking. And lots of them. I deem myself a very pessimistic girl. Any little obstacle that comes my way, i consider it an omen. It doesn't matter if anything good comes out of it. What matters that it existed and its taunting me to give up. Its snarling at me. Its laughing at me, " You bloody fool. Come, take me on. Don't you dare? Come and we'll see who gets the last laugh". Fuck you. Don't you dare talk to me like that. Don't you just wanna give it your all, fight till your very last breath? Yup, fight i did. A very terrific fight i would have to say but i'm always exhausted at the end of the day and before i have yet to replenish my lost energy, the fight starts again. This time, stronger and scarier than before. How many normal beings can take this kinda mental torture? One's already enough and i have to deal will three! Alright, stop. You win. I admit defeat. Go get your prize. And there, i throw away all my shields and blades and walk further and further away from my prize. Yup it's time anyway. I could go to highler lands. Lands where i could reap harvest without working too hard.
Recently yt flared up at her granny and glad she did for she has been keeping it in her for the longest period of time. I wish i could do likewise. I wish i could flare up at YOU. However, we're good friends aren't we? Flaring up would mean all these are just a show of pretense wouldn't it? Flaring up would just show that i'm the weaker one wouldn't it? Well, i just wouldn't. Lets see who gets the last laugh.
Looking at all the problems i have to deal with, its pretty amazing that i haven't yet suffered a nervous breakdown. Somebody get me a tiger. I need to drown my sorrows in beer.
Lovely Angel <
3:31 PM
Monday, September 03, 2007
Finally its the start of our very first e-learning week at NIE. Having had two whole days of fun-filled activities, i'm lazing around at the comfort of my own home, sleeping in and enjoying some well deserved time with my dog. It's not often that i get to laze at home, enjoy the nice weather and sleep in. Seriously, i got to do this more often. Too much running about is putting a strain on my health, both mentally and emotionally. I would have to say the past two days was well spent though. Not forgetting to mention that the past two days were spent with my precious as well.
1st September 2007
My busiest weekend eversince i started school. Kicked off the day with Kbox at Marina Square. My last ever meet up session with Zhenyuan and Huiling before they leave for China. Nevertheless, we had an enjoyable time. I'm really glad we managed to meet up even though we've all been busy.
After singing, Baby and i headed to the Esplanade to catch our very first performance at the esplanade, Burn the Floor - Floor Play! Was it amazing to see those scantily clad dancers strut their moves! Seated at the first row, i was practically drooling away. Luckily darling was beside me to distract me from ogling at those really good looking guys! All in all, it was a fun afternoon and am i looking forward to my ballroom dancing class with darling if that ever happens! Ballroom dancing will never be the same again!
Caught 1408 to sum up the hectic yet enjoyable afternoon. Wasn't really a nice movie though i was shocked to death for the first part of the movie. John Cusack is a really good actor but apparently, the movie lacked depth and it all ended off too abruptly leaving me clueless about certain stuff. Hotel rooms truly are a scary place. I've heard many stories about it. Perhaps i should stay away from hotel rooms as much as possible. Room 1408, anyone?
Soccer was another boring affair for me. This time, i truly slept throughout the match and i didn't even wake when Man U scored the goal against Sunderland! I guess i was really tired to start with and soccer really isn't my thing. I still have to thank my baby for accompanying me the whole day. Thank you sweetheart. I love you to bits.
2nd September 2007
Sunday wasn't as bad as Saturday for i slacked the day away. Had a rather nice dinner at granny's house. We celebrated her 81st birthday. Imagine that! She's a healthy 81 years old! Many thoughts ran through my mind upon leaving her house mainly, life and death. I see my aunties and uncles gathering around my granny just to spend a few more moments with her on her birthday. A rare sight i would say because i dare say this is the first time i've ever witnessed such a touching sight. The whole family gathered together as one, sharing about their life and behaving like they really are a closely knitted family. Why all these hypocrisy? Why all this talk of filial piety when you all know that the end is near? Why start to cherish only when you know you haven't got much time left? I want to be happy when my loved ones leave this place and not crying and wailing that i haven't got enough time for them. I don't want to be cherishing them only when their end is near. I don't want to follow in my relatives' footsteps. I want to be different. I want to cherish every little thing i have of now.
Sweet, sweet sweet!! Cookies from the Cookie Musuem. A teacher's day present from darling to me.
Couple day with zhenyuan and huiling. Kbox at marina square!
The other couple
The three of us with baby in the background obviously oblivious to everything when it comes to singing!
Ah! Look at that! Burn the floor tickets!
First ever photo taken at the Esplanade. Before Burn the Floor
Us at granny's birthday celebration
The whole company with granny
Lovely Angel <
3:31 PM
