Entries
Friday, September 14, 2007
From failed relationships to friendships, there isn't a single thing i manage to do right. I've been reviewing myself for the past two days and have finally came to a conclusion, that i'm a failure. I failure in every possible, imaginable way. I don't know how i managed to do it but the amount of effort that i put in the my returns seem to have something against each other, or rather, they like eah other alot. The more effort i put in, the worser my returns. Now, this then brings me to a question, would putting in less effort derive greater returns? I'm afraid not. It just doesn't work in my case. Rewards are benefits just have soemthing against me. I can't seem to get them no matter how hard i try.
Apparently, i seemed to have failed with you. Oh fuck, i didn't fail you. You failed me. No matter how hard i try, i get pushed even further away. What the fuck? You come to me only when you've got problems to tell and expect me to all concerned and worried but you fuck off the very next moment when someone does something nicer or makes you happy even for just one second. Fuck man, i'm no caller machine whereby you just vent all your sorrows and unhappiness then scoot off like nobodies' business. And you still called me your bestie. Fuck, i don't deserve this status. It's all too high and mighty for me. Too much stress to handle. Just fuck me off your so-called bestie list. I'm not the only one and i'm sure there are others out there DYING to be on that to-die-for list. If being your bestie meant that i'm only able to talk to you when you're fucking down and having to always arrange for meetings, meetings in which you are either too busy to attend or meetings in which you just cancel off at the very last minute and just leave me hanging there. And i haven't even heard from you after you cancelled on me. If i hadn't messaged you out of concern, you might have even forget about this bestie. You know what? You can just fucking fuck off. I will not, i repeat, will not take the initiative to ask you out ever. Neither will i play the nice friend that i am, waiting for you to call me ONLY when you've got problems. Fuck man. Go fuck yourself please.
Oh and did i mention that i hate being someone else's spare tyre? Just fuck off already right? To think i've been in the dark all along. To think that i was trying to change myself into a better person to suit you but all along, it just isn't enough. You just want me to be her don't you? Doll myself up like her? I have totally lost to you. Yes, you won only by a mere fraction. What if i told you i was also moulding you into him? How would that feel? That feeling sucks ain't it? If you never put yourself in my shoes, you will NEVER fucking understand how i feel.
Oh, no more tank tops and bohemian skirts for me. Fuck that off my wadrobe. I swear i will never wear that again. Go find someone else you can mould. I'm not your puppet
Lovely Angel <
5:43 AM
